Dear Me: Make No Apologies

So while I’m sitting in bed sick today (allergies of course) I thought it was the perfect time for some blogging, since the past 24 hours I’ve been in a opinionated sharing mood via my social media.

I’ve talked many times over the course of my blogging lifespan in Chicago about how different it is living in here in terms of locations, weather, and people. I’m more than tested it feels on all fronts regarding more than anything my beliefs/views/ opinions whether that be religion, politics, or anything else.

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This is hard for me. Why you may ask? Not cause I’m not outspoken or scared to share my opinion but because I never have had to debate, discuss, and defend my morals or beliefs as much as I have here in Chicago

Now this does not mean that we are all robotic, god wielding, conservatives, loving our meat/guns, and all things cowboys in Texas. Sorry to tell you that, but as you know, Austin, Texas is living proof that we clearly all don’t come from the same stick of dynamite in Texas,

But what this does mean is that I like many of who you spent your time in one particular city/place for your upbringing are used to being surrounded by people with similar values/interests/morals/beliefs. Does that mean that everyone in my life shares my exact ideals on everything? No. That means that more often than not we are at least on the same page about things and I’ve rarely had to defend or debate otherwise with them.

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So coming to Chicago and thrust into an environment with people constantly challenging things I have grown up with has been intimidating. Why? Why for outspoken Desiree would this be scary, because I’m in a big city by myself and making friends is important to me. And making friends with whom you don’t share the same morals/beliefs with can be hard in regards to the lifestyle I’m trying to lead as I’m shaping the person I want to be.

Is it important to have people with 360 different views as you? Yes, I’m not stupid I know that it’s refreshing and engaging for my perspective and learning to respect even if I don’t understand other people’s values and beliefs. RESPECT being the operative word because you can not like/understand something like:religion and still be respectful of people who care to engage in it.

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And I think that’s one element from people I surround myself with here in Chicago that lacks is at minimum a respect for whatever each of us chooses to believe or not believe. It’s a dialogue that I know needs to happen, and I’m making it a priority to have it.

But I will say while I’m continuing to engage in dialogues I’m finding my voice on certain topics and I’m happy to voice them. If you need an example just read my long blurb I had on American Sniper because there has been little to any favorable response on that movie here in Chicago from my peers. I’m a big movie enthusiast as you know,  so if someone doesn’t like a movie I love knowing why and how they feel as they do. But the political beliefs people had about the film (some who haven’t even seen it mind you) absolutely floored me as to why they couldn’t find any redeeming quality in the movie. Now I won’t make this a crusade for the movie cause this post isn’t for that.

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It’s merely to say that once upon a time ago I wasn’t too sure where I stood on certain subjects or how to voice how I felt appropriately. And I’m happy to say as I’m growing and evolving Chicago if anything has helped me to find my strong voice regarding MY beliefs/morals. And I won’t apologize for that. And if I lose friends for it, so be it. If I respect you then you should respect me and hopefully we can shake hands and continue on from there. I’ve never been one to engage in sparring sessions and heated arguments cause at the end of the day once hostility gets put into the conversation both parties are tuned out to no voice but their own.

So here’s to my voice, as Katy Perry said…”You’re gonna hear me ROAR!”tumblr_mlnxobfAgU1rt1kgho1_500

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& I will leave all my worries here

Hello…Good February,

I’m a little behind on my blogging because I feel like life has been moving at 100 mph since I started grad school. It’s funny  cause last year I talked about how grad school wasn’t that difficult, it was more about adapting to Chicago than school being really really hard. Well, I clearly spoke too soon since it was gone into overdrive since week one.

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My teachers have switched up heavy writing, for heavy bible sized packets of reading that consume most of my time. The writing is a bit more sparse, but grade wise means more now. Lot so of changes so far moving into the new year, more intense classes/professors. On top of that I have my internship which consumes alot of my time throughout the week. I travel an hour outside of the city Wed/Fridays to work at the office. Needless to say those days I’m scatter brained from the moment I wake up until I see my bed that night.

No complaints though, I know I’m blessed and it’s nice enough to have my 5th internship of my college career and it’s paid with a great company. It has possibilities for long term potential career wise so we’ll see.

I’ve been getting back in my workout game, looking forward to relieving my stress in a healthy way. Lord knows in undergrad I kinda let myself get consumed with Greek life, my relationships, and just life and I wasn’t always taking the best care of my body. I’m determined to not repeat history though not having a full time job, living in the dorms, and just the pressure of being a student poses different stresses than when I was out of school. BUT my BODY will not get the best of me.

I’m working on a whole mind, body, spirit thing so I’ll be scoping out churches soon, trying to reacquaint myself with building a good relationship with God. I’ve been a Christian since like birth, and though I’ve struggled in my relationship with God, my faith doesn’t waver and I’d like to see what church is like again. Finding a good church though is like any relationship, it either fits or it doesn’t.

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Speaking of relationships I had to make the decision to either explore, enhance or cut myself off from certain people I’ve had revolving in my life for awhile now. I’ve always been very adamant about keeping my friendships with people who I feel helped me in my difficult time in college, and I say college because I struggled most in that era of my life. However; I’m learning more that while some people are meant to be in your life for a season that doesn’t mean they’re supposed to be there forever, and that’s hard for me to swallow because I want to keep everybody. I don’t want to let go of things or people that mean alot to me, but at the same time, I can’t use the past as a reason to keep them in my future when they do nothing for my present or because I’m scared to let things go. I’m not good at letting anything go, just like in general. Whether it’s grudges, memories, regrets, It’s something I’m working on, but I just can cling to an emotion or feeling about something or someone rather than moving past it.

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Being in Chicago and having to maintain my friendships via social media or text forces me to really sit back and think who I am still connecting with at this point in life and who doesn’t fit anymore. Some people probably should have been out of my life awhile ago because we’re toxic to each other and no I don’t mean romantically. All romantic toxic morons are nowhere near this era of my life. I mean toxic friendships, some people we just don’t bring out good things in each other or I associate them with negative parts of my life. I think that’s part of the reason certain memories or people are things I haven’t let go of. Anyway’s, it’s not ill will or bad blood on my part, it just is me growing up I suppose.

I really for a majority of my life have thought that having a bunch of friends is like important, this stems from something in child hood that I won’t psycho analyze right now, but I did.Now being away from Texas and for once in life having a small, intimate circle of friends here in Chicago it just makes me think of how much time I waste or spend having small, meaningless relationships instead of strengthening the constant, existing ones in my life. And that’s as of recently what I have been doing, cutting away the meaningless friendships and working on cementing better foundations with those around me.

Whether it’s a letter, card, text, good morning, skype convo. I want to have the best, strongest relationships with those who I love dearly and I know love me. The people who no matter the years of friendship keep my spirit alive, support me, want the best for me. People I never have to question or doubt, I want those people in my corner and I don’t need 50 of those.

This turned into a way more deeper rant than I was hoping for, but either way, feels good to get  it out there. All of that self-reflection aside, all is good in Chicago, I’m surviving the cold. I marvel at it actually on a daily basis because it’s that pretty to me. Most know that I’m easily amused to begin with, so I’m just a kid in a candy store marveling at the ice right now. Here’s to the end of February and March lingering on it’s heels. 🙂

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