“Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.”

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Oh September first with your boom-bang-burn and bluster. I know guys alot of B’s for the first day of the month.

I woke up today with a newfound sense of (wooo) it’s the first day of a new month mantra. You know what I’m talking about, how the first day of a new month especially after having a rough or hard one can just breathe new life into you.

I was singing in the rain, dancing on cloud nine (well not all that) but I’ve been pretty content working on focus my energy on my blessings mantra. Yesterday was a good Monday, productive work with my graduate student organization, meeting with my fellow TA’s, spoke to my deployed boyfriend (who yay comes home in december). Monday just gave me a promising start for the week. This is my last free week before grad school starts 09/08 and I needed a bit of a relaxer.

I think father time was like, nooo I’m gonna throw a monkey wrench your way and let’s just say this morning I was in tears fotr various reasons. I’m a very structured, planned, organized person, I have a plan for everything. Sometimes this is good, sometimes when things go bad this does not serve me well. I can admit I’m “okay” on my toes, not the best or a beast, but I’m okay. My life mantra “where this is a way there is a way, where there is a way there is a Desiree,” usually serves me well in my times of crisis.

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And then god moved father time out of the way and gave me various olive branches, doves of peace, just some clarity of mind for the weight that was building up in my heart. I had 2 of my friends honestly do the most giving thing on my behalf to help me, it literally brought me to tears thinking of how generous they could be given we are all struggling.

I also had a person who I had a broken bridge with reach out to me after a long year of isolation and quiet between our relationship and it brought my heart so much joy. Truly because this person is literally a man who saved my life, the best example of family I have. And to not be a family oriented person that says alot.

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I sat here thinking of everything that went wrong and how even if the situations can’t be remedied right now, my friends gave me some solace and comfort out of kindness of their hearts to give me some peace. How being void of this one person in my life has left me aching for awhile now and that aching is subsiding.

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Granted this doesn’t always happen cause sometimes a bad day can really be a bad day, and sometimes a bad day can be good. And other times a bad day can make you take a breather, wipe your tears and put things into perspective as you look forward to another day.

So for all of my struggling peeps out there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and even if you don’t think it helps to talk about the struggle with people, they understand more than you know and may be willing to extend a hand to help you.

And this is why I will always revere my friends in such high regard- they are truly the best.

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